Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Safe in Our Fathers Arms

Have you ever been listening to the radio and heard a song that stopped you in your tracks? Its funny how a song can do that. It can remind you of a time with a dear friend,  triggers a smell, or bring you to tears. Well that is what happened to me last night while driving home. We were coming from a friends house and from their house we always pass the road that leads to Ella's grave site. So every time i see that road she is on my mind. Just when we pass the road a song comes on, and not just any song "Safe" by Phil Wickham.

This song was sung by a wonderful friend or ours at Ella's memorial service. The song reminded me of that moment while he was singing, but its not what triggered my tears. The song brought me back to the moment that I was laying in the hospital bed waiting to deliver my little angel. Many people had come to see us, share tears with us, and to pray with us. During those times I was sad, still trying to really understand what was going on in me and around me. Every one was grieving, but to me I didn't understand why. When Jared and every one else heard the news that she was gone, there was an instant loss for them. For me, I still had her, she was in my belly. I could feel her, no not moving but I knew she was there. I could see the out line of her back and her bum sticking out. I had not lost anything!

While laying in bed the day after hearing the news I decided I need to just not think about what was going on around me, so I tuned on K-Love. I heard many songs that reminded me of God's glory and how God is good. But the moment I heard the first line of  "Safe" I just broke. It finally hit me that I had lost my daughter. I now was seeing what everyone else was seeing. In that moment I felt the pain for the first time. The pain of what I had lost and my dreams being shattered. The pain of feeling that God had turned his back on me. Some how through all of the pain I was able to see the real picture and the song helped me to see that.

God had never left me, he was holding me while holding Ella. He made a promise and kept it, we all were safe including Ella. He called her home for a reason, for many reasons that i can now see.  When our whole world was falling apart, we were safe in Gods arms.

The words to "Safe" byPhil Wickham  
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
oh you're not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Sweetie. Love you so much... By your side