Love at First Site

I'm sure we all have been asked the question "do you believe in love at first site?" My answer was always no, till I saw Jared!  While attending Calvary Bible College you were required to go to church twice a week so I was in search of a church. Being a student that was new to the state I did not know of any churches around the area. I had gone to few but had not found the right one. I then decided to go to to New Life Community Church with a friend of mine because she needed to see a friend of hers that was visiting from out of town. She didn't have a car so she asked if I could take her. And since I had woken up late that Sunday I had already missed the chance of going with another friend. So I decided to go. After the service I noticed a good friend of mine that I had meet on campus. He knew i was in search of a home church so he wanted me to meet a few families he had drawn close with. He introduced me to everyone but one person. I was standing their talking to someone i was introduced to while my friend went to find this Jared guy. I was standing in the middle of the church aisle when I looked across the room then I saw him, I knew he was the one. I knew Jared was going to be the one I was to marry. I don't know how, but I did! I talked with him for a bit,but all I wanted to do was just leave. So the friend I came with and I left to go back to the dorms. When my room mate got home I let her know the news, that I had found the one I was going to marry. She was excited, then I told her that I gave him my number but if he called she was to tell him I was not here! See Jared was not my type of guy that I would had normally gone for. Sure he was a nice guy maybe even a good friend, but not someone I would have ever thought would be my husband

I started going to New Life with our friend to help with the youth group. After church we would go to the Busses's house to have lunch and to of course watch the football games. At Calvary we were not able to watch TV so we had to go to someones home to do so. Jared was living with his parents at the time, so witch meant I had to hang out with him. He seemed to be a cool guy, pretty smart, and pretty handy for home work. One Thursday night I was desperate, see I was a Friends fanatic. I needed to watch my show and since we could not at school I had to come up with a plan. I called Jared to see what he was up to, we talked for a bit. I was going to ask him if I could come over to watch tv, but I just could not do it. So then plan B, I would just go to Wal-Mart and watch it on their TV's in the store (yes I was desperate, and it was FRIENDS!) So then told Jared I had to go because I needed to go get batteries from Wal-Mart for my alarm clock. We said our goodbyes and I headed to Wal-Mart. I was in the electronics looking for batteries when I heard someone behind me say hi. I remember felling my hear racing! Many question going threw my head in  secs before turning around. I was thinking what do I do, what do I say, oh no how do I look, do I tell him why I am really here, is this really what you what for me God.... I turned around and looked Jared in the eyes and for the first time I knew that this was Gods will. Jared and I talked for a while in Wal-Mart before he invited me over to hang out. Friends was already over, but I didn't care I had just found my best friend.

We never rarely dated, but we were always together. He was the one person that I could be me with and he was ok with that. He opened my eyes to new things. Showed me what a true friend could be like. We had many ups and  many more downs, but during those hard times we chose to stick beside each other as friends. To fight threw what was holing us back from being more. It took a lot of heart ache for us to see what God's real plan was for us. Almost two years after meeting each other he proposed to me, six months later we got married. Since then we have continued to have our ups and downs, many more heart breaks and many tears. But I can honestly say that I would not change one thing about our journey. Not one, because I know that whatever we had gone through or will go through it will only make us stronger. God knew what he was doing when He placed that voice in my head telling me that Jared was the one. God knew what he was doing when He lead Jared up to Wal-Mart just to see me. I am so happy that we allowed God to lead us to each other. Tomorrow it will be six years that we have been married. I am so blessed to say that our love for each other has grown deeper then I would have ever thought. If it was up to the enemy we would have not even gotten married, I would not be making this post. Because of our God we are still together. I don't think I have heard it said better then Chris Tomlin. In his song "Our God" he reminds us of how God is greater and with God on our side who can stand against us. Their have been many things, many people, and even our selves that has tried to destroy us, but with Christ we are standing strong together, we are fighting harder for each other and out of the ash we rise, because their is no one like our God!

 We were strangers starting out on journey.

Never dreaming what we'd have to go through.

Now here we are, and im suddenly standing, at the begging with you.

No one told me I was going to find you.

Unexpected, what you did to my heart.

When I lost hope you were their to remind me.

This is the start!

 (the first verse of the song we danced to on our wedding day)

Safe in Our Fathers Arms

Have you ever been listening to the radio and heard a song that stopped you in your tracks? Its funny how a song can do that. It can remind you of a time with a dear friend,  triggers a smell, or bring you to tears. Well that is what happened to me last night while driving home. We were coming from a friends house and from their house we always pass the road that leads to Ella's grave site. So every time i see that road she is on my mind. Just when we pass the road a song comes on, and not just any song "Safe" by Phil Wickham.

This song was sung by a wonderful friend or ours at Ella's memorial service. The song reminded me of that moment while he was singing, but its not what triggered my tears. The song brought me back to the moment that I was laying in the hospital bed waiting to deliver my little angel. Many people had come to see us, share tears with us, and to pray with us. During those times I was sad, still trying to really understand what was going on in me and around me. Every one was grieving, but to me I didn't understand why. When Jared and every one else heard the news that she was gone, there was an instant loss for them. For me, I still had her, she was in my belly. I could feel her, no not moving but I knew she was there. I could see the out line of her back and her bum sticking out. I had not lost anything!

While laying in bed the day after hearing the news I decided I need to just not think about what was going on around me, so I tuned on K-Love. I heard many songs that reminded me of God's glory and how God is good. But the moment I heard the first line of  "Safe" I just broke. It finally hit me that I had lost my daughter. I now was seeing what everyone else was seeing. In that moment I felt the pain for the first time. The pain of what I had lost and my dreams being shattered. The pain of feeling that God had turned his back on me. Some how through all of the pain I was able to see the real picture and the song helped me to see that.

God had never left me, he was holding me while holding Ella. He made a promise and kept it, we all were safe including Ella. He called her home for a reason, for many reasons that i can now see.  When our whole world was falling apart, we were safe in Gods arms.

The words to "Safe" byPhil Wickham  

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
oh you're not alone

Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
 

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
 

Bridge:

These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free